Today's New York Times sheds more light on the religious fundamentalism of Sarah Palin. The article--In Palin's Life and Politics, Goal to Follow God's Will--we are confronted with another candidate for high office who believes in the literal word of a book of ancient myths. (Myths that revere a fictional god with a penchant for murder, rape, genocide, infanticide and human sacrifice.)
More frightening still is the Times passing reference to Palin's former pastor and his advice for Palin when she comes asking for biblical examples of great leaders. He refers her to the Book of Esther, which the NYT characterizes as "the story of Esther, a beauty queen who became a real one, gaining the king’s ear to avert the slaughter of the Jews and vanquish their enemies. When Esther is called to serve, God grants her a strength she never knew she had."
The "liberal media" is giving the conservative Bible thumpers a big break with that interpretation. I just read the entire Book of Esther, and I'll agree on one point: she discovers her strength, all right. It's called the pubococcygeus muscle. (Who knew Kegel exercises go back millennia?)
Allow me to elaborate. Here's my more learned and accurate accounting of the Book of Esther:
The story opens in the court of a Persian king named Ahasuerus (we'll call him King Ass, for short). King Ass is rich, powerful and used to getting his way. He throws a big party where the wine is flowing free. After several days of binge drinking with his homeys, he orders his main bitch to come in and show off her fine ass to his subjects. The Queen, however, was apparently a little ahead of her time. She refuses to submit to King Ass's drunken, sexist commands (don't Palin and her supporters hate sexism, by the way?). King Ass strips her of her title (and in some accounts, kills the uppity bitch) and issues a decree: Chicks everywhere, obey your husbands or there will be hell to pay.
This is when the story gets really good. He then rounds up a bunch of virgins from across the land. Esther is one of them, and when the King sees her, he pretty much pops a royal woodie. He makes her Queen and forces his smelly persian prick on her at his whim. Esther, she figures shit, it's a living. This goes on for a while, until the King's sycophantic Prime Minister Haman (let's call him Hymen, for fun) gets all worked up that Esther's Uncle Mordecai (aka, Mordy) won't bow down to him. Hymen gets King Ass to issue an order that all Jews are to be killed in an official "killing spree" to be held really soon.
Esther to the rescue! Esther calls a special few dinners with the King Ass and Hymen. Though it's not explicitly spelled out, you can pretty easily infer that she gives his Highness a few Special, Royal Fuckings. (Probably some reverse cowboy stuff with some teasingly torturous blowjobs, delayed ejaculation/edging, followed by some explosive cumming. Just some educated guessing on my part.)
As you might imagine, after King Ass wakes up from what must have been a hell of a great night's sleep, he's seeing the world pretty differently. He hangs Hymen, reverses his decree, and it's the Jews who get to go on a killing spree, annihilating their enemies in a biblically-typical orgy of violence and depravity.
As the old saw goes, she who has the pussy holds the power.
Yes, this is the story that might very well be the single most important piece of inspiration and guidance for the next Vice President of the United States. It's worth noting that her pastor thinks Sarah "had lived out the advice as governor, and would now do so again as the Republic Party's vice-presidential nominee." (emphasis added).
Wow. One can only conclude that should--God forbid--John McCain die in office, he's likely to die with a smile on his face that a crow bar won't be ably to pry off.


The news today is about how faith helped Hillary cope with the most infamous blowjob in history.
This from the "Presidential Forum on Faith, Values and Poverty," which took place last night with a panel that included Hillary, Obama and Edwards.
The Hillary quote that struck me was: